From our experience, their needs are "met" as minimally as possible. They are given a modest ration of basic supplies: tooth powder that is abrasive, soap that strips the skin, shampoo that is also used for washing clothes/dishes. The shoes they are given cause blisters that can cause large open sores due to the need to continue wearing the same shoes. They are given basic clothing that does not account for weather. I have heard that it is worse for women as they have special monthly needs.
Those who have family on the outside are forced to decide whether to step in financially, or let them continue with this extremely basic level of care. In our personal situation, because my husband is not guilty, I feel an extra burden to make this time as comfortable as possible for him. It is not comfortable by a long shot, but I really do feel a burden to do all I can to make it ok for him. Those families of a loved one who has committed a crime may feel this burden as well, as they understand that hope needs to be clung to for dear life. Once a person has lost hope, they have lost their desire to live life in any sort of godly way. Having certain needs met and even exceeded allows a person to feel cared for and allows them to hold on to hope for their future.
Each month, I spend about $50 in phone calls. We are blessed to have a lower rate since he is close-by. This covers one 15-minute call per day, with occasional extra calls when one of us is needing more time to talk, or if the girls need extra time to talk with their daddy.
Each month, he needs about $100 on his books in order to purchase things such as peanut butter, rice, tortillas, beans, and toiletries. He is currently in a private prison that is known for feeding the guys the bare minimum the law requires. They, of course, make their money off of selling extra food. The guys who do not have family are often hungry. This is where the next expense proves to be so important...
Every three months, I place a "package" order. This is through an outside vendor who specializes in prisons. I cannot shop around for the best deal and have it sent to him. I must order through these companies. I spend about $200 every three months for these packages. We make sure to get him lots of coffee, creamer, soups, jerkys, sweets, some toiletries/cleaning products, and batteries, etc. The reason this package is so important is because this is how he stocks his own pantry to share with others.
Every six months, or so, there is a fundraiser (which is really a joke, if you ask me). They will offer KFC or pizza for the guys to buy. Usually, they are allowed to buy up to $75 worth of food. Only a few can afford to do this. We try hard to make sure Chris is able to do this so that he can share the food with others. He makes sure whoever wants food is able to at least have a piece of chicken or a slice of pizza.
This may seem frivolous to care this much about making sure an incarcerated soul gets a cup of coffee, or a piece of chicken, or sweets, but these are tools. They are ways to show others the love of Jesus. Chris uses his package order to bless others who have nothing. Recently, he told me that sometimes he sees a guy having a really hard time and he'll place a soup on their bed when they aren't looking. Everyone knows it is him, but he doesn't want to take credit. In fact, when he told me, he was just giving information.
His outreach efforts have paid off. Guys come to him all the time to talk and to hear more about Jesus. They approach him. In fact, he laughed and said that some days he feels a bit overwhelmed by all the guys needing to talk. He feels like he just wants to hide under the covers, but he knows that he needs to continue to shine in the darkness.
He has a group of guys that he leads church with and they have branched off into study groups, and even meet on the yard once a week for intense prayer. They have been putting together a songbook for the chapel as a legacy to leave behind. These men have dedicated their time to being missionaries. My husband is innocent, but others are not. Yet, even those who committed crimes are working together to make a difference.
This has been our personal experience, but please understand, we are not in the minority. Take a moment to look at the following pdf to understand more of the impact prison has on families:
http://ellabakercenter.org/sites/default/files/downloads/who-pays.pdf
One more personal note. When I have asked for financial help in the past, it is because I am fighting. Our family lost a lot and I refuse to allow this situation to take more from us than it already has. I am fighting for ministry, I am fighting for the health and stability of my children, and I am fighting for the future of my family. It is extremely difficult to fight on your own and so I have appealed to my brothers and sisters for prayer and, yes, for financial help. There have been times where it feels as though I am being questioned inappropriately in order for the other person to "feel good" about extending their support. As my girls grow, I need to be more and more aware of their personal boundaries and need to protect their emotions. It is a boundary I refuse to cross.
There are many families out there fighting and we need to come alongside them. They have been hurt and are doing their very best to survive, and even thrive, in a tough circumstance. We are not mandated to determine whether a person is worth our time, money, and love. We are mandated to love. We are mandated to care for those "less fortunate". Prison families struggle a great deal, but we are strong and at times, it looks like we've got it all together. We are proud, sometimes to a fault. Step in, love on, care for, be there. Make a difference.
Hebrews 13:3 (NLT)
"Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself.
Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies."
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