I just wanted to update and say that I'm feeling a little bit better. I've been really, really angry the past few days...well, about a week now. I even got to the point the night before last that my prayer was basically, "I am angry. God, I am so angry. I'm angry. Please meet me, God...I'm just so angry!" That night, as I was drifting off to sleep, He gave me a song. He speaks to me a lot through songs. He's never spoken to me in Toby Mac songs, though, before. lol! I started to sing in my mind...
"We've been down to the bottom
Stories we got 'em, when we hit rock bottom
If you've been there, put your hands in the air
And let the lost know that the Most High cares"
OK. But not even that. I mean that in it's own way helped, but reading on in the lyrics it says...
"And if pain is God's megaphone it's loud and clear
So hold me now, Father, human love ain't enough
I've failed and been failed by the people I love
But your faithful arms they surround me..."
I know that He has us. I know that we are planted firmly in His mighty, mighty hands. I think the hard part for me is that I haven't been able to be at church because of sickness (baby and I are trading back and forth). I haven't been at the feet of His throne in worship for awhile. We went to a conference last weekend and even though the worship was awesome, I was unable to fully participate because of issues with the kids. It's important that I spend some time getting refocused.
The week before court is always hard...I know this and I need to remember to ask for extra prayers to cover us. I need to make sure I remind myself several times a day that God is in control. But, then hearing stories like the guy who was put into prison for eight years after killing a couple when his accelerator on his Toyota stuck and is now proven innocent, but still lost eight years of his life...away from his family, away from his kids...it just kills me. Eight years would put our girls at almost 9, 14, and nearly 18. I can only imagine what this family went through.
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We are praying. I can't imagine what you are experiencing. I don't know if I ever told you this story.
ReplyDeleteJoe traveled with a man from Uganda he was the principal of a private school there during Idi Amin. One day he was driving home from work and heard on the radio that he had been killed in a car accident. So he knew he was going to be murdered. He couldn't call his wife, who was nine months pregnant, he had to leave the country.
He was able to get to his brother and they together walked across the mountains into Nairobi. They had gotten rid of everything except their watches to use to know the direction they were walking.
He told of once into town he stood in front of a store window and looked at his reflection and thought - "God you have taken everything from me, even my family. I have nothing left."
God's response, "You still have your soul."
He stood on that street and let the tears flow - this large strapping man.
Feel my hug? Love you.